Sunday, 16 December 2012
Two Christmas tales
The Marauding red eyed
Being the first part of the Christmas tales.
Around the Victorian era there was a boy related to *Robert Cocking.
After Roberts accident his money went to the boy's family.
They weren't rich but they had enough shillings to by a bleak old house!
When the boy's Pater got a new job as a clerk, they went mad with excitement and joy, they were so amazed and happy in fact that they paid to go to The Royale one of the most fashionable and popular restaurant.
As they sat down onto their comfortable, varnished and velvet chair,
The waiter attended to they're very commandments. This is what they ordered:
Two glasses of mulled wine,
one glass of small-beer,
a plate of pickled pear, smoked salmon and caviar.
The waiter gave them the precise food that they ordered.
While the Cockings were eating some of the most lush foods on earth, a diabolical mob of villains were plotting to rob the Royale!
The criminals kicked down the back door that led into the greasy kitchen and caved in the most of the chef's faces!
Then they crashed into the carpeted dining room and shot or injured everyone and rapidly clonked to the till.
There was more than 1000 pounds in there!
But there was one.
There was the boy of the Cocking family he was still alive, but there was a change in him.
He felt different...He felt mad, insane!
He ran away out of the city in to the starry forest of Mueth where he became black and red eyed he grew a beard and started wearing Norse like clothes and created his own religion full of magic then he named himself the marauding red eyed goblin the wizard of the animals for he would command them at times.
Then one day he felt the pain of his parents’ death he never forgave those villains.
He ventured out into north of Canada.
He marched into the black mines where he found skeletons full of maggots and slugs!
The rocky floor became uneven. Crunchy. Murky.
He was deep underground by now and standing by a huge chasm a creaking, oily gate was at the end of it but there was no bridge.
The marauding red-eyed goblin stooped, ran and leaped!
He reached the gate slipped!
Grabbed one of the greasy bars and staggered up onto the earthy ledge Took a sigh of relief.
Then chanted some strange words did an uncanny jig then thrust his arms.
Immediately the gate crashed down marauding red-eyed goblin hopped to one side the gate fell and bounced down the chasm!
* Robert Cocking (1776 – July 24, 1837) was the developer of an early unsuccessful parachute design and the first person to be killed in a parachuting accident.
Then he briskly stomped down the stony path but as he ran He saw gargantuan rows of vermin filled skulls, at last he got to a dead end.
In the middle there was a light a commanding light a selfish light.
He stumbled nearer and nearer he tried to swipe at the light but did not catch it but then he found out that the light was coming from a crystal a pure white crystal he pulled and pulled it but it did not budge he loosened his and started his return journey.
At that very moment the crystal shot out of the rock and hit him on the back it then dropped comfortably into his hand.
There was something fishy in the air.
Suddenly the skulls turned to him and squirted poison at him!
For he did not know that the crystal was full magic and enchantment, ages before a shaman had locked it away!
Meanwhile the marauding red-eyed goblin was running for his life with the crystal in a pocket near his breast.
He skidded because he had reached the chasm!
He sprang onto the cave ceiling just like a spider he crawled to the other end of the chasm and dropped down then leaped to the opening but then another catastrophe happened, the skeletons staggered towards him.
But then he felt that he had do something, a thing to help him get out of this dreadful place!
He struggled to find his pocket he pulled out his mighty crystal!
A radiant light shone out he covered his eyes with the palm of his hand!
When he resolved there was no skeletons only ash.
He stumbled out of the mines with a lot of relief.
While the marauding red eyed goblin was raving around Canada killing animals Santa got a message from a messenger snow gnome that saw a little cottage with red lights streaming out of every crack and window with sound of screaming and crying.
It was because the man was a farmer and the marauding red-eyed goblin was trying to free the animals.
And the snow gnome was warning Santa that he could be killed by the goblin for he owned Rudolph, Blitzen, dancer and all the others!
Santa ordered an ice elf to get one of his reindeer ready to venture out into Canada.
So that evening he clink clonked out into the wilderness of Canada!
It was midnight now and pitchy!
He was eating a wholesome mince pie and his reindeer was munching on a snippet of grass.
He finally came to the grotto of mother nature, his daughter, he kicked on the hatch that was placed next to a big oak tree he tied the reindeers rope to the tree so the reindeer wouldn’t run away.
He heard some footsteps and a groan.
The hatch opened and a young beautiful lady looked up, she cracked a smile "Oh father how wonderful it is to see you again!"
"It is wonderful to see you too! Now may I come in?"
"Yes! Yes! Come in come in!"
She gladly let Santa come in.
As he crept in he saw what a wonderful grotto she had.
It had stone stairs, with a window at each side with a ledge candles sat on these ledges, this staircase led into a room with three round tables by three paths that went into different rooms.
Santa sat down by one of the tables and the girl got him a bottle of ale from another room when she got back they settled down.
"So how's jack still down in New York?"
"Yup, still laying down the frost"
"You know what jack frost, you and me are the only members of the Christmas Society, well except from that thanksgiving elf but he's really annoying!
And humans have to eat farmed Christmas dinners. We want a magical and delicious Christmas supper!"
"This is true."
At that moment they heard an agonizing laugh!
"Ha ha I'm coming I'm coming to maraud you aaaaa haaa!"
"What was that father?" said the girl.
It's the thing I’m looking for!"
They ran out in to the winter air, Santa's reindeer was gone.
A red-eyed figure leaped out of the trees with a red axe and a staff with a white crystal on top.
Mother nature, or Moru , bent the trees and smashed the marauding red eyed goblin onto the ground Santa clenched him by the neck and carried him like that all the way to his mountain.
He showed him that the animals were cunfy and content at his house and there was no need of killing people who own animals for Moru would take care of them after all.
Then Santa interested the marauding red-eyed goblin in a job!
So if he would hunt all the turkeys and staggs with his staff and axe Santa would give him a grotto in Norway, give him magic every week, and food.
The marauding red eyed goblin thought long about this in fact he thought about it for a year!
But in the end he accepted the offer and now he lives calmly and happy in Norway!
The end of part one.
A Disastrous Christmas.
Being the second part of the
There was a black sledge riding by magic to Santa's mountain, Mt Grenga. No person rode within the sledge.
When it entered the mountain snow gnomes and ice elves ran away in fear!
Finally it reached the top of the mountain where Santa stood firmly.
"Thy business?" asked Santa.
A dark figure formed in the seat of the sledge but it did not make any sound at all.
It only held out a hand, then faded away. As the figure vanished a scroll appeared and dropped to the ground.
Santa picked the scroll up and walked away.
As he turned away into his grotto he looked back at the sledge but the sledge was gone.
When Santa sat down by the warming fire he started reading the scroll. This is what it read:
My dearest Nicholas Claus I am sad to inform you that you were never real queen Victoria just made you up your just a mad person who has a huge imagination.
Sighned Enneth, the Demon King.
Deep in the mountain, Santa cried…………
He staggered to bed, lay down and screamed himself to sleep…
He dreamed of how the snow gnomes and ice elves would ban him from the Christmas Society when he came across the thought of the other St Nicks that had been!
Because of the Clauses long-life power everyone had forgotten about the other Santas.
He was Santa Claus IX so there were eight more. If they were only alive he would have evidence to prove he was real.
But how would he be able to bring them back to life?
Meanwhile Enneth the demon king was lurking in his cave kingdom.
He knew that Santa was actually real but he also knew that Santa would not be able to find evidence to prove himself.
When Santa was kicked out by the ice elves Enneth would be able to march into Mt Grenga without fear of the ice elves, they were no match for the demons. He would stop Christmas forever, he hated Christmas.
Jack Frost was skating through the sky across New York sprinkling frost over Central Park. He looked back. A dark creature was following him.
His pursuer grabbed his ankles and bashed him against a tree three times.
"Hey take it easy!" screamed Jack.
"Never!" replied the demon!
Jack thrust his arm towards the demon's ugly head; a bolt of ice froze its face. The grip on Jack’s legs loosened, then the head rolled off the neck of the demon and smashed into a window that belonged to a teenage girl. Jack giggled and flew away.
Santa was looking up into the sky unusually he saw two ice skates then six legs!
And then : Jack Frost, Moru and the Marauding Red-Eyed Goblin!
They were all smiling except Marauding Red-Eyed Goblin of course (His real name was Theodore).
"We heard the news! Damn that Enneth "said Moru.
“And we also have something to tell you too" said Jack.
They walked inside Mt.Grenga and sat down on their chairs by the narrow table. A Snow Gnome came in with some turkey and sprouts.
The Marauding Red-Eyed Goblin/Theodore refused, "I am only here to discuss matters with the Lord of Grenga!"
He turned to Santa and bellowed "Santa! I do not want to eat I want talk with you! So if I may I shall start: back in Norway I was being hunted by a dastardly, angry brute. Although I shot him with my bow and arrows, the thought of him has haunted me ever since".
Santa replied "I can assure you my loyal friend that there will be much more of them in the future”.
For you see Enneth the Demon King sent out three demon assassins to kill you all because he is trying to destroy Christmas. For he hates Christmas so much.
"But how are we going to prove your claim?" Asked Moru.
"I suggest we should send out some Snow Gnomes led by all of us into the cave kingdom, I have heard that after the Snow Gnomes kick you out Enneth will march in and take Grenga for granted!
“And it's only a limit of time till this happens!"
"Let it be then. You and Theodore will ambush them in the Black Mines while Moru orders the trees and plants to take a secret tunnel through the Black Mines to surprise them from the behind while I will take care of the presents."
Then some Ice Elves came and showed them to their rooms.
A short time later Santa was abed. There was a knock on the door.
Moru appeared from behind the door, she sat down by Santa, asking : "Do you think there could be a more easy way of doing this?"
"Well not really, Oh hang on....But….No, it's gone…"
“Father you are always forgetting things. Maybe I can help you, give me your hand."
There was uncanny rumble. He felt that he fell into a dream and he had, he had just fallen asleep!
Moru, well she was in Santa's memory!!
She could see all types of shapes and creatures, and she figured them all out, they resolved into a landscape within The Lord of Grengas Mind. She flew on psychic wings across this geography. Finally she came to a huge tower that dug into the Earths core and rose above the water level. But the water did not touch the tower it waved round it.
On top there was a huge horn mounted on a pivot of diamond.
Santa needed to blow this horn for some reason. Nevertheless it was his destiny.
Suddenly Santa woke up and Moru awakened from the trance.
"I saw it too! "said Santa.
The next morning Santa called a council with : Shim the head elf, Jack, Moru and Theodore.
"Jack, Theodore, Moru, you will go along as we planned but I have some more important business to attend to so Shim here will take my place."
Santa was ready for his journey. He rode off by himself in his canoe through the Vazg River while the others readied them selves for battle. Moru rode off to the Black Mines leading all her friends, the flora and fauna of the far north, many kinds of bears, wolves, lynxes, caribou, staggs, and behind stomped the trees and crept the poison ivy.
While the snow gnomes started marching to the black mines let us turn to Shims part of the story. He hurried to the naughty and nice emerald, a device for monitoring the wellbeing of the children of the world. He saw many lovely children doing good deeds, he thought about how he would have to deliver and make a present for every single child.
Theodore was trudging along to the one place he probably hated the most however he was excited about the battle on the other hand. Jack was shaking with fear it was night and they were setting up camp in the entrance of the mines.
Half way through the night they heard marching about two yards away they had forgot that the demons walk at night. Jack skated at top speed to Moru to warn her that the war would start in five minutes!
But it had already started! Theodore had led the snow gnomes into the demons he was slashing and mashing the demon's faces into one another. One hour later Jack and Moru appeared and injured all the demons!
Unfortunately Enneth rose up into the air and created a gigantic explosion that teleported our heroes plus every snow gnome and tree to the dungeons in his cave kingdom.
It was Christmas Eve. Shim was nervous and frightened. He was leading Rudolph in front of all the other reindeer. He was about to get into the sledge when he looked back to the river Vazg in love of Santa.
Then he gathered up his courage and rode off into the air.
As he flew over Mexico a demon swooped down onto the back of the sledge. It leaped onto the front seat, Shim hopped into the bag of toys but the demon grabbed his belt and flew away with Shim, the sledge fell into a big crater.
Santa was now entering the Beaufort Sea, he was very bored by now and wondering how he could hasten the journey. He shut his eyes and chanted a spell.
When he opened his eyes the canoe was breaking through thick ice.
Finally got to the exact spot where he was supposed to be but there was nothing there. He was very concerned. Suddenly he and the ice were swept into a whirlpool. A tall tower rose out of the sand of the seabed hundreds of fathoms below. At the top was a horn mounted on a diamond pivot, at the bottom was a brass door with eight faces engraved on it.
He opened the door, he looked up into the tower there were more than 3000 spiralling stairs.
When he got to the top of the tower puffing like a grampus, he blew the horn. Vigorously a green gas filled the air. Eight figures formed.
"We are the eight Spirit Santas. we know why you are here, come, we must save you and your friends."
They grabbed his arms and flew away!
At the centre of the cave kingdom lay the deep dungeons slimy and grotty, Shim was dropped roughly at the feet of Moru, Theodore and Jack, who had just been teleported there and had been trying to plan an escape. A sniveling wretch of a demon came and opened the dungeon doors.
"You are wanted in the court, mush!"
They were frogmarched to the cave court where presidents, emperors kings and queens had been unceremoniously teleported to the chamber from their palaces and stately mansions. They sat on wooden chairs, some still eating mince pies that had been clutched in their hands as they were snatched away from the bosom of their families by eldritch forces of the demonic overlord. President Nixon was gnawing on a turkey, poor turkey. At the front was the council of the demons and the judge was Enneth the demon king.
The little group of friends were chained down in the dock.
Enneth asked them particular questions like :
"do you believe you are real?
“how did you find the naughty/nice emerald?"
And the last one:
"were there any other Santa's?"
At that moment Santa burst into the court.
"May I introduce you to my eight witnesses!"
"We are the ghosts of the past Santas, Santa is real how else do the children get their presents? From Santa of course!"
All the kings and queens started complaining to Enneth, then crawling over him, he was literally trying to wrestle hundreds of them... He screamed and cried as they roughly bustled him into his most horrid dungeon and pelted him with rotten tomatoes. They promised to give Enneth the Key to his cell if he could teleport they all back to finish their Xmas eve suppers, he did so but they fooled him by giving him the key to the pantry. In his rage he screamed,
“Damn those creepy statesmen! I will just teleport them back in here with me to face my wrath!”
But as he grasped his teleportation crystal he was too rough and it splintered into a myriad of razor sharp fragments that lacerated his leathery carbuncled palm.
All the other demons were put in a trance by Moru to go and live in holes in Greenland. They were much more useful there as they hunted year round to supply fish suppers for Santa and all his little helpers.
Shim turned to Santa and said,
"We’ll never be able to deliver all the presents we haven't got the sledge!"
"I can track it down!"said Moru.
"and the ghosts can bring us to it"said Santa.
So everything went to plan. The children got all their presents and everything went back to normal.
On Christmas day they all feasted late into the night to celebrate their victory and to commemorate the birth of little baby Jesus while the animals and trees were dancing around the fire.
Sunday, 28 October 2012
Orson IS Dr Syn the Scarecrow of Romney Marsh.
First I must talk with my scary mask council.
My first victim!